Revising with Williams

Posted: October 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

Original version found under the art program.

“The Art Department at EMU consists of four undergraduate programs in studio art, art history, and art education. They are tightly interrelated in their sharing of faculty, facilities, resources and a common interest in the understanding, creation and advancement of visual art. Synergies develop between areas, students and faculty as they work to support each others’ goals. The four programs that make up the Art Department range in size and focus from the Visual Arts Education program that has led its peers in the outstanding preparation of art teachers, to an art history program that not only helps EMU art and general education students understand their shared visual culture, but has provided additional leadership and outreach to the community through its support of speakers and the development of exhibitions of historical and contemporary art and artists. The B.F.A. program leads the department with the greatest number of majors, and is recognized for its excellence in the preparation of studio artists.”

Revised version.

The Art Department at EMU consists of four undergraduate programs in studio art, art history, and art education; all of which share a common interest in the understanding of creation and advancement of visual art where students and faculty work together to support each others’ goals. These programs range in size and focus from the Visual Arts Education program that has led its peers in preparation of art teachers, to an art history program that not only helps general education students understand their shared visual culture, but has provided additional leadership and outreach to the community through its support of speakers and the development of exhibitions of historical and contemporary art and artists.

I focused on chapters one and seven for my revision because I feel like a lot of times people add more words to make their sentences more complex than they need to be. In the version that they have written there is information that I felt wasn’t really needed. It’s kind of cheesey to put “teachers and students work together to meet each others’ goals”, not only that, but have it written as, “They are tightly interrelated in their sharing of faculty, facilities, resources and a common interest in the understanding, creation and advancement of visual art. Synergies develop between areas, students and faculty as they work to support each others’ goals.”- I just think that this whole sentence isn’t necessary. Although I did edit it to much simpler terms. I would also like to point out that Art majors are not English majors so I don’t think the complex “lingo” is really effective, it could be seen as just confusing. The first time I read the passage I was just like, “wait what?” Because it crammed too much information into few sentences without the content holding a lot of importance. That’s not to say that whoever wrote this doesn’t say important things, but in my opinion this isn’t an effective way to get me into the arts.

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Peer Review Recap- part 2!

Posted: October 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

One pro that I really noticed from the method of google docs peer review is the fact that people weren’t really afraid to make corrections or note how they felt. I think this was because of the fact that it’s not in person so as a class we don’t really have to deal with someone taking a comment to heart or getting angry about it. One con I noticed is some people aren’t really into editing papers, they don’t really care too. I think this happens to all of us when we don’t get into another persons writing so we make comments like “I like your intro” or “Great start, keep up the good work.” That really doesn’t help the writer at all.

The main pattern I saw in the comments I received is, people focus on grammar and word count more than then content of the paper. Yes I do believe proof reading and length are important elements of a paper, but the content is the most important part. In my first essay I had a hard time connecting my technology with the readings so it ended up kinda being two different essays, not one person who reviewed my essay said this. I think people need to actually engage in the essay they are reading so they can be more helpful to their peers.

For myself, a pattern that I did while giving comments and editing was I focused on how people didn’t connect with the readings/ correctly cite the readings and how I found it common that people didn’t really have a voice. I think it’s important to have a voice while writing because it makes the reader more interested. It really reflects when a reader feels like they are having a conversation with the writer, at least that’s how I feel.

The section of the book that I found could be most helpful to writers and myself is probably “Words and Expressions Commonly Misused” (39) One word that really stuck out to me that made me think, “oh yeah, people use that wrong a lot” is the word “Nor.” According to the text, Nor is, “often used wrongly for or after negative expressions.” (53) The example given is, “He cannot eat nor sleep”, but the correct way would be “He cannot eat nor can he sleep.” (54) People often use words that are similar to other words, but they end up using them wrong. I take part in this sometimes in writing and it’s never too late to correct it.

Another section I found to be helpful to me is, “Elementary Principles of Composition” (15) I really saw use when they talked about “omit needless words” (23) and “keep related words together” (28) I seem to always put “there is no doubt but that…” or something along those lines in my papers and the truth is it’s unneeded. I tend to be wordy at times and it’s one of my down falls. With that, I also don’t always keep related words together- meaning I don’t always structure my sentences correctly. As said in the text, it can make sentences “confusing.”

There is one part of the book that I didn’t exactly agree with and I feel like some people take it as they were always doing it “wrong.” This is the section, “Elementary Rules of Usage.”(1) Strunk and White say, “Form the possessive singular of nouns by adding ‘s.” (1) An example they give is “Charles’s friend.” (1) Many of us were taught that the extra s isn’t needed. I have always learned that for this case it’d be “Charles’ friend.” I like to think I wasn’t taught wrong and either would be looked at as correct. I think this book may hold a little too much power if people think that Strunk and White’s way is the only way.

Youtube Commercial!

Posted: September 28, 2011 in Uncategorized

– I think this is middle style from the casual 80’s music to the language used, I don’t think it’d be considered grand, but also not plain.

-The repetition of “salty” and “sweet” could be related to puns, as Crowley and Hawhee note on page 244, “Puns allow rhetors to repeat something in an artful and often funny way.” Clearly the commercial is trying to be funny.

-“Salty. Sweet. Impossible to resist.” I would consider this to be a hyperbole. (Trope)

_ I also believe this one is middle style from the star wars music to the minimal language used.

-Surprisingly there wasn’t really any repetition in this ad.

-“The Coke side of life.” – is a metaphor.

Ancient Style

Posted: September 24, 2011 in Uncategorized

Reading Crowley and Hawhee’s piece on ancient style really gave me some mixed emotions. Starting off reading the piece, I felt as if it was just boring. Too many terms with not enough life brought to them. I would read a term and then think to myself, “I can’t even remember what I just read”. I almost felt like I was in AP English in high school where we were exposed to these terms then tested on them, I remember half of the class cramming before the test, but not retaining a single meaning after the test. Some terms I remembered from that class where things like “paratactic”, “asyndeton”, and “ploysyndeton”.

I’m not going to say I was completely unhappy with the piece because I did enjoy the concept “artful repetition”, just as most of my classmates did. It’s really easy for us to connect to this idea because at times we are in the situation that we don’t know much on the topic or simply we’re not interested so we repeat, but this idea tells us it’s okay to repeat, but make it more creative.

Some of this piece was confusing, but not the worst thing I’ve ever read.

Peer Review!

Posted: September 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

As most of my classmates would agree peer review usually sucks. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who enjoys doing them or getting them. Although it’s not my favorite thing, I always hope when I give feedback I help in some way. I never like ripping anyone’s paper apart because that’s rude, but I do like making suggestions. Receiving suggestions sometimes helps, in this case I read a few things that I will keep in mind for my final draft.

Google docs is pretty handy, although I didn’t have all of my share settings correctly arranged at first, I finally figured everything out. I think google docs is really good for a class like this because it allows us to comment and edit each others work which is awesome. Over all I don’t really have any complaints with this project as a whole. :]

Sprinkle & Frosting Writing!

Posted: September 13, 2011 in Uncategorized
Image and video hosting by TinyPicPARTTYYY!

Well, yesterday was my birthday so I thought the BEST way to go about this project is to use my cupcake making skills! I also went to a concert and you always have to “pre-game” before hand, ha!

“Never be the first to arrive at a party or the last to go home, and never, ever be both.”-David Brown, quoted in Reader’s Digest “Quotable Quotes,” April 2004 Quote Found Here!

Although I wanted to write this whole thing out, I didn’t have enough sprinkles left over, so I just simplified and wrote “Party Time”. This technology was fun to work with and it fit well into my day. It took a bit of time to make everything look really good, but it wasn’t hard to do! Food is always fun to play with even if most people don’t like to admit it, I really liked this assignment because it made you think of what other things you could possibly use to write with and how we take things for granted.